SO. . .let's get some before and after shots of this majestic lot of junk.
First up is my take on the Helephant. He's kind of a Regretsy mascot, so folks in the forums will recognize him (and his missing ear).
Before, he was an advertising mascot for some topical cream (I almost forgot to take a before pic, so you get him with his label partially removed by the menacing seam ripper).
I took off the advertising sash, his sewn in tag (the manufacturer tag), his bow and. . .
His ear. Hey, he's a helephant. That ear had to go. And, of course, I looked up some reference pics so I could hopefully take off the correct ear (though I'm not sure anyone would scold me if I took off the wrong one, but I wanted to at least give my best on the small details).
As you can see, I left a nice big thread sprouting out from his head, too. Bonus, since he's a clip on stuffed toy, he can hold his own ear. Helpful Helephant is helpful.
Then I embroidered a CF4L on his feet. Yeah, Regretsians will appreciate that (I think). And hows this for a DERP? I was stitching the 'L' and it kept looking weird and I couldn't figure out why. Well, it was because it was backwards. Yeah, I had to stitch the 4 and the L twice due to that derptatude. Sometimes I wonder about myself.
Next up. . .
Mild mannered advertising mascot (for eye drops) magically morphs into. . .
This is Not Steampunk Octopus.
Yeah, that thing is so fug you'll want to pry the bobbles off it and use them to claw out your eyes.
This one was a nod to both the "This is Not Steampunk" tag that showed up way too often on Regretsy and to all those "handmade" items that are really just one thing glued to another. Oh, and tacky jewelry bobbles. Holy shiz, there is so much of that junk at the craft store. Some of it is cute, but most of it is just junk. We have some "classic steampunk" items proudly featured (like gears and a clock face and old looking keys) and some Etsy classics like owls, fairies, and starlings (that kind of look like the bird from The Hunger Games).
Yeah, this octopus is a holy mess, like a lot of stuff you can find on Etsy (and was featured on Regretsy). I also stitched the legs together a bit so you could string it on a cord and wear it like a big pendant. Or not. I'd recommend not.
Now for this next one, you may want to brace yourself and/or cover your kids' eyes (but if your kids know what this is about, you really need to be monitoring their internet access, really, no one should know what is about to be referenced).
Just ignore the cupcake. I thought I was going to use it for part of my fuquerie collection but I changed my mind once I got the other items done (and I'm glad I did). Rather, direct your attention to the happy little donut plush on the right.
Oh, I'm sure Entenmann's never wanted THIS to happen to their happy little advertising plush.
Yeah, it's what you think it is. And if you don't get the reference, all I have to say is, "aww, you're so cute and innocent." And "google goatse". But do that at your own risk, it's not for the faint of heart (or weak of stomach, or any decent person, really).
So, yeah. . .a goatse donut happened and I'm not ashamed. When I first got it done I snapped a pic immediately and texted it to my sister. She LOVED it. She said Goatse Donut would be a good mate for Duncan, the preachy donut on this religious show "The Donut Man". I'm not going to link to that, either, mostly because I don't want to encourage folks who make bizarre religious shows for kids. I told her Goatse Donut was a POWER bottom and she replied "Duncan better look out!". Indeed, he should.
It was fabulous how easy it was to warp this innocent toy. I only had to remove the hands, add some finger lines, and add some felt arms (lightly stuffed). I did have to practice putting my hands on my own bum to make sure I had the hands positioned correctly (thumbs down). Ok, I had to do it more than once because I was afraid I'd put the hands on wrong (and I kind of like touching my own butt--hey, I was clothed so it was ok).
Last but not least (stay calm, it's nothing related to butts or preachy donuts).
A majestic eagle, proud symbol of the United States of America and mascot for our very own postal service (so says the shirt they slapped on him--who am I to argue with a tiny t-shirt).
Oh no, how could I fuquerie-fy something so strong and noble?
Well, it was for a very good reason.
Tragicrafting.
For those who don't know, Tragicrafting is the (usually tasteless) act of memorializing moments or persons (usually celebrities) via craft. And since it's Etsy we're talking about, the crafts are usually shoddily done and hastily assembled so the creator can cash in as quickly as possible on the tragedy. Timing really is everything when you're trying to make a buck off someone else's pain.
But what pain could possibly be grand enough for this regal animal to bare for eternity?
The loss of Regretsy. It was recently shut down and we shall NEVER FORGET.
I feel your pain, sweet eagle. You cry giant glitter tears for us ALL.
I packed up the Fuquerie Set and included these gummy grillz I found a Burlington Coat Factory (yes, a classy store if there ever was one). Yes, you read right. I bought something edible at Burlington. And get this. Burlington always tries to make it seem like you're getting some super great deal, so the tags always have the regular retail price (if you bought it at a classy store) and then the fabulous Burlington price. The tag on the gummy grillz tried to lead me to believe the regular retail price would be $3. THREE freaking dollars for ONE set of gummy grills? Oh, Burlington, you so crazy. You're also lucky I was willing to part with "your" price of only $1.79. Ok, that was a bargain. I would have paid up to $2 for the grillz, I won't lie. I also wouldn't actually EAT them, not just because they were purchased at Burlington but because they looked way too nasty for human consumption.
So I shipped the whole lot off to AUSTRALIA! Hell to the yes, international fuquerie for the WIN! And, I'll be honest, that's why the cupcake didn't make the cut. That sucker was weighty and I was trying to keep my shipping costs manageable. So the smaller toys won the day.
I can't wait for it to arrive and to see the reveal thread on the forums. I loved being in this swap.
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